Midnight thoughts...

Tonight I am up late just a thinking.


Truth is, I've hit a lot of rough spots these last couple of years. Really frustrating to think about, because we always wish we could go back and change the stupids, and the wrongs but we can't. I'd like to hope that I'm not the only one who has fallen hard, and gotten angry and worked up over silliness that just goes on in life. But i like to believe now that I am changing and growing. A little at a time, I am learning about life, and relationships, about forgiveness (as Pastor preached tonight), about faith and love and so many other things. One thing I know I've learned, is to move forward. If I didn't know how to move forward, I would be stuck in some serious garbage. (most of which I've got myself into!) I am so thankful for a pastor and church that help me to do just that-move forward! I have been down so bad, I thought I could never get back up, and redeem my pathetic self! I thought, "Well Tiffany, you are an honest idiot, there is no way you are going to recover from the damage you just created." And with tears in my eyes now, I really believed that there was no way I could get back up. I got to a point, the LOWEST point, (not so long ago), that I was actually frightened becasue I didn't know how I would recover, and that I may just be stuck in that miserable, defeated state. But I didn't. Here I am restored, renewed by Gods grace and love, and with the help of a wonderful church that for whatever reason didn't give up on me. I'm more determined than ever to continue to move forward in my life and in every situation I have faced, and will face. I want to walk with God, and listen to the man of God every change I get. Soak in the word, really LISTEN to advice given, instead of nodding my head, and letting it in one ear, out the other. I pray that God helps me to do one simple thing. And that's to LISTEN. Listen to Gods voice, and listen to the wise. Create space for God to work first in my spirit and mind so I may be the best I can be, and so I can do that best I can. I pray God helps me to mend relationships, and build others. I know I NEED people in my life, and I also want to be a positive person in others lives.

So with these thoughts of my head, and out for all to see.. Maybe I can finally catch some sleep! :)