Midnight thoughts...

Tonight I am up late just a thinking.


Truth is, I've hit a lot of rough spots these last couple of years. Really frustrating to think about, because we always wish we could go back and change the stupids, and the wrongs but we can't. I'd like to hope that I'm not the only one who has fallen hard, and gotten angry and worked up over silliness that just goes on in life. But i like to believe now that I am changing and growing. A little at a time, I am learning about life, and relationships, about forgiveness (as Pastor preached tonight), about faith and love and so many other things. One thing I know I've learned, is to move forward. If I didn't know how to move forward, I would be stuck in some serious garbage. (most of which I've got myself into!) I am so thankful for a pastor and church that help me to do just that-move forward! I have been down so bad, I thought I could never get back up, and redeem my pathetic self! I thought, "Well Tiffany, you are an honest idiot, there is no way you are going to recover from the damage you just created." And with tears in my eyes now, I really believed that there was no way I could get back up. I got to a point, the LOWEST point, (not so long ago), that I was actually frightened becasue I didn't know how I would recover, and that I may just be stuck in that miserable, defeated state. But I didn't. Here I am restored, renewed by Gods grace and love, and with the help of a wonderful church that for whatever reason didn't give up on me. I'm more determined than ever to continue to move forward in my life and in every situation I have faced, and will face. I want to walk with God, and listen to the man of God every change I get. Soak in the word, really LISTEN to advice given, instead of nodding my head, and letting it in one ear, out the other. I pray that God helps me to do one simple thing. And that's to LISTEN. Listen to Gods voice, and listen to the wise. Create space for God to work first in my spirit and mind so I may be the best I can be, and so I can do that best I can. I pray God helps me to mend relationships, and build others. I know I NEED people in my life, and I also want to be a positive person in others lives.

So with these thoughts of my head, and out for all to see.. Maybe I can finally catch some sleep! :)

Week 6...ish?

This is kind of fun, right? These are letters on my refrigerator. I've had this little display up since Remi was born. If it wasn't edited so, you'd see all the dust rested on each letter. (I really hate dusting, and honestly don't even think we own any "dusting tools")

Everytime I look at this, It's just a reminder of how much life has changed since Remi was born. This is like a "duh" statement, why wouldn't our liveschange with a child? It's no longer about you or anyone else-your first thought and attention automatically goes to your child. This applies to all regular daily activities such as eating, bathing, bathroom breaks (whether in diaper or in toilet like normal people), playing, going out, etc etc. I always think of Remi first in everything. It's like programmed, there is nothing I can do about, even if I wanted to change it. Because you know, come to think of it... Even after I feed my child a full meal, and make sure she is all done, and ready to get down from her chair and go play... As SOON as I sit down to eat my nicely prepared meal of left overs, or Ramen noodles, my little girl is drooling at my feet. Instantly. Not gonna lie that it can be frustrating at times, but she's just so cute! So even though I wanna scream, "Go play, you just ate you annoying turd!", I say, "Here sweet baby, have some of Mommy's noodles." (this may or may not be completely true). Anyway, you get the point-having children is and should be a completely selfless decision. It's not longer about you, ya understand?!

So as Valentines Day is tomorrow. I realize that my husband and I are not going to have a nice romantic date out on our own. And we started thinking about it, and realized that we don't really want that. Our life has changed so much, and Remi has molded into our every day so nicely that we would enjoy a meal out with all three of us Hallmarks-Glen, Tiff, and REMI. (Please Note::This may change after child #2 or #3. Or when Remi hits that awkward/annoying stage... We shall see.) Not to mention, we went out for our "Valentines Date" on Sunday night after church to avoid the nonsense and crowds on VDAY night. Good luck, everyone! I will be at home sweet home. And I've also offered to watch anybodies kids who want that romantic/quiet night out.... Yes, I may have lost it after a crazy weekend of a stomach virus. That's a whole other story.. and we just won't go there. TMI.

Everyone enjoy your Valentines Day with your lovers!!

Week 5

A gun. A badge. That's all it took for me, ladies. Back in September of 2007, I first started talking to Officer Hallmark. Yes, I found his number so immaturely on "Everyones Connected", and called this strange man late at night while hanging out at a friends apartment one weekend. (does anyone even remeber Everyones Connnected?)  After messing around with him, I finally told him I was some girl from Indiana. "A really cool girl he had never met... yet" was my words. How awesome of me. *Rolls eyes* But hey, It worked, right?

After talking a bit and asking what this strange man does for a living, he replies "I'm a police officer". No lies, my 20 year old heart skipped a beat or two, and a very interested smile jumped right on my face. My friend "ooed" over his response a little bit too. Don't make fun. Over 3 years, marriage, a house, a dog, baby, and a lot of bills later I still am super intrigued when he walks out of the bathroom in full uniform, while the scent of Gap cologne/uniform smell (not sure how to exactly describe that one) FILLS the air. He's just so darn CUTE. And I am a bit cautious of flirtatious women, (after dealing with a couple CRAZY exes of his, so stay away. Thank you.

I love you, Officer Hallmark. Things aren't perfect on this journey of ours, but I have to say it just keeps getting better and better. :)

AWESOME GIVEAWAY!

Come check out this giveaway, and enter to win some incredible items!!

http://picsbynik.com/jasper/2011/02/its-a-giveaway-show-the-love

... WEEK 4

So this is considered my end of January post. I have been slacking big time. Busy life with 3-4 kids all week, shopping and cleaning on Saturdays, and church all day Sunday. Not to mention other activities, cooking, and maybe even catching a moment to sit for a minute here and there.. (like right now). I know I'm not the only one, and not complaining at all... I would rather be busy, then bored with nothing to do! But either, way.. Enough of the slacking, and I promise myself to at least blog once a week now. :)

So this picture is already on Facebook for those of you who have seen it, but I had to use it. I can't look at her precious face, with that silly little grin and not feel overwhelmed at the love I have for that little girl. I can say it all day long, and I know I am not the only mother who feels this way. But it's just exciting and such a blessing to have pure sweetness and innocence to wake up to every morning! Being a mother was always something I looked forward to even when I was really young. My mom and I loved going to garage sales, and she would let me pick up things for my baby dolls, and I remember that being so exciting as a kid. I had "REAL" car seats and bassinets for my babies. I would bring them to church, feed them, love them, and put them to bed just like they weren't made of plastic. Now I will admit, even with all the dreaming and "practicing" I did as a child, and even into my teen years with so much baby-sitting and nannying, I can't even remember!--There were still so many surprises as a new mother. It was challenging at times, but more than anything, it was rewarding. I can already look back now that my little girl is already about to go into her 16th month, and see how I have grown, and changed since Remi was born. Babies have a way of bringing about challenges now just in caring and nurturing, and parenting them, but in other relationships in our lives. And not just in my marriage! Speaking of my marriage, I couldn't express how much Remi has brought my husband and I so much closer. We have one thing in common now, and it's her! She is our every day joy, and happiness. No matter what we go through, or how tough times may get--You can't look at her wobbling all over the house, talking up a storm, (she is a TALKER), and not just feel... HAPPY. She is a precious, and pure GOD given little girl. I thank him every day for her.

Nothing creative here. Just boring you all with the same ole same ole. And again, I do understand that about all of us mothers feel the same way! It's just nice to share sometimes. Hope I still have some readers out there, despite the temporary disappearance. :)